Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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