im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
