Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
