I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Randomize
