I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
