there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
