it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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