i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i have two assholes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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