i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
