That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
