I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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