What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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