My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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