Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
