tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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