I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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