my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
