Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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