I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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