I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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