the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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