fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize