Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
