You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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