I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
