They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
