Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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