Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
