Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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