Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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