I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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