I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
