well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
