I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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