my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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