Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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