Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
