We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
