she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
