i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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