More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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