I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
