yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
