I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
