What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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