so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
