But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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