I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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