When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
