He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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