you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
