If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
