its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
