Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
