i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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