You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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