it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
