WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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