its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Shame - the story of my life.
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