The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
