Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
