i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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