So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
