Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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