I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Even my vagina gasped.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
