You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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