FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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