How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
