I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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